


come and go like ocean waves

by realeyesrealize



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:48:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realeyesrealize/pseuds/realeyesrealize
Summary: Phil gets anxious. Dan is there to help him.





	come and go like ocean waves

**Author's Note:**

> Written for phandomficfests summer sounds flash fic fest.

Phil gets anxious. That’s what he went with when people asked up until a few years ago, because that wording felt less daunting than saying he had anxiety, the constancy that suggests being something he was not ready for at the time. Because Dan had depression and Phil was there through it all, through the best and the worst days, the absolute worst days. And he couldn’t deny that he felt bad for even thinking that what he got sometimes was even remotely equivalent to what Dan went through. 

But he does have anxiety and sometimes it gets pretty bad. He has Dan and, albeit indirectly, Dan’s therapist, to thank for for making him accept the fact that sometimes his brain gets plagued by tiny little monsters who whisper all kinds of upsetting thoughts, and that those thoughts trigger a physical reaction he can’t quite control just yet. And there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that. 

Some days are still bad, like today, when shaky hands and short breath sneak up on him until he has to give up on completing his to do list for the day, which doesn’t do anything but make him more anxious. He goes back to bed, thoughts racing through his mind at such speed that he can’t keep up with them. Dan shows up at his bedside not long after. 

“Try this. You know it helps me,” he says, voice soothing and soft. 

Phil is skeptic at best. When Dan has a bad day, he doesn’t move, like his body is suddenly too heavy to even take one step, to get out of bed. When Phil has anxiety, he feels like he can’t contain his energy. He needs to move and, if he doesn’t, his body already shakes enough for him, adrenaline pumping through his veins like water down Niagara Falls. What helps Dan may very well not help him. 

“Don’t be like that,” Dan says, because sometimes Phil doesn’t even need to speak. “I’m turning it on, okay? If it makes it worse, just kick me and I’ll turn it off.” He presses a button on his white noise machine and lies down next to Phil, careful to give him space. They already have rules for days like these. Phil is not to be touched until he actively seeks it out. 

The sound of waves crashing begins to fill their room, quiet at first and then louder. Phil closes his eyes and just listens. The cacophony of colours that are racing on his eyelids soon begin to turn into a beach, one he is familiar with. He imagines himself on a walk with his parents on the Isle of Man, Dan trailing behind them taking pictures of the ocean. He lets the feeling of the calmness, the familiarity that scene brings seep into him, soothing his overactive heart one beat at a time. 

Intrusive thoughts wait on the outside of the scene, trying to get in. He fights them until he remembers a technique he’d read somewhere. He stops fighting them and invites them in instead, imagining them as clouds, passing clouds he doesn’t pay any attention to. They come and go, just like the waves crashing below them. 

Sleep finally finds him, but not until he turns around and cuddles up to Dan, a silent thank you and a request for comfort. Dan obliges, holding him in his arms. Phil falls asleep like that, his body exhausted after fighting the little monsters he carries with him. But also comforted by the fact that _now_ , he knows it’s okay, it’s okay to fight his own personal battle alongside Dan’s, that he is every bit as valid.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is greatly appreciated :) 
> 
> (I'm not entirely happy with this. Sorry if the quality is not that good, I may have written it at midnight when I was super tired and falling asleep on the keyboard.) 
> 
> [Tumblr post](http://tulipau.tumblr.com/post/175436792313/title-come-and-go-like-ocean-waves-word-count). You can also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cloudfIuffer).


End file.
